I thought I had left this behind. This complacency towards God. This tendency in me to go for days without spending quality time in my Bible, the tendency to just "know about" God, and "talk about" God, and "talk at"God - but not actually 'talk to' God.
I thought picking up my life and moving out to the middle of what felt like nowhere would create this deep need in me for God. That I would hit rock bottom and cry out to God and at last would really 'feel' His presence in my overwhelming need for His companionship, for His understanding of what I'm going through. Ask those closest to me - I was excited to go through something 'hard' in my life - because I knew God would meet me there.
But this transition has been so not what I expected. This God-given peace that I haven't been able to shake has been here since day 1. We have slipped into life here so easily it has felt pretty seamless. Jay started his job, we have a place to live, we've applied for a place to rent, I have a job. We just got approved for a housing place in SL. In actuality, we are doing far better than we were financially in Ontario. We barely spend any money and thus, I think we may actually be able to put a dent in Jay's debt. All this is good - yes - and yes I totally give glory to God for it. And I'm thankful.
But I have realized that the complacency and apathy is a part of me. It is something I have nurtured over years of my life when I felt that little nudge to read my Bible and I just brushed over it. Years of doing that have made it a pattern in my life. And so here I am - back at square one.
Life here - right now - has a feeling of purposelessness. We live essentially for ourselves. We go to work, earn money, come home, and do what we want. Back at home, Young Life forced us out of our comfort zones, out of our tendency to use our free time for ourselves. Kids became part of our lives, part of our free time and even though I would say that most of it I felt as though I was barely giving anything, we were giving of ourselves in that way.
I know we are new here and we need to find a niche. But it is more than that and I recognize it in myself and I want to call it out. God has dreams for me - big dreams. Why else would he give me a passion and desire for music, for songwriting, for high school kids to feel loved, for people who are broken to feel that they are important. But I am not surrendering or making the most of those dreams. Jesus can't actually live and work through me if I am only opening my heart to him on some days.
If I dictate when I feel like speaking into other peoples' lives, I am missing all that God is calling me into. I am missing so much - all because I am selfish. Even if I said, "Ok God, I'm here, use me." - Saying that, but not acting on it - not starting with the first point of giving yourself to God - not surrendering my actual time in the morning to put Him first, or my time in the day to put Him first, or time at night - then I actually am not available to Him.
So in saying all this and not studying Scripture or putting God first right now - my words will be useless , weightless until I do.
So I'm going to do a reference study of Jeremiah 29:11-14. A lot of us Christians quote it when something hard comes up and we have to decide our future. But we don't actually study it in context of the Bible and where it shows up elsewhere in the Bible. I know I haven't before. And so I'm going to now.
............................................................................................................................................
Jeremiah 29:11-14
V11 : "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil..."
>Isaiah 55:8,9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
[our understanding of God is so limited - of the way he thinks and why He does what He does - because His 'ways' and 'thoughts' are so much higher than ours. Makes me think of that kid's story where the baby rabbit stretches out his arms and says "I love you this much" and the dad stretches out his arms and says,"Well I love you this much" - The dad's love always surpasses the kid's love and it is the same with the way God plans our lives - his dreams for us are so much bigger and involve 'wholeness' in Him
V11: "...to give you a future and a hope."
>ch 31:17 - There is hope for your future, declares the LORD, and your children shall come back to their own country.
[There is alot in this passage about returning to God. The Old Testament is so repetitive in that God's people are always disobeying him and then repenting and God takes them back - out of exile and back to their own country. Maybe this is the same in my life - I surrender stuff to God and then I disobey and lose sight of the original thing he gave into my hands. But God always promises to take us back when we repent - incredible grace]
V12: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you."
>ch 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
>Dan 9:3 - Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes.
[Every time I decide to not pick up my bible, to not pursue God - I miss out on hearing from his heart. There have been so many times when someone came to mind and I wondered why they were in my head. The times that I was actually in tune with God - he nudged me to pray for them. But the other times it was like I just didn't know what to think. The Bible is so full of hidden treasures and yet we convince ourselves that we know all that's in it, if we've grown up in the church. Daniel goes before God in complete humility - a sack for clothing, and ashes on his body, and going hungry until he hears God speak to him. Wow. I just can't begin to imagine revering God in such a way.]
V13: "You will seek me and find me..."
>2 Chr 15:2 - and he went out to meet Asa and said to him, "Hear me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin. The LORD is with you while you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.
>Ps 32:6: Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters they shall not reach him.
>Ps 78:34 - When he killed them, they sought him; they repented and sought God earnestly
>Prov 8:17 - I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.
>Isai 55:6 - Seek the LORD while he may be found, call upon him while he is near.
>Hos 3:5 - Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the LORD their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fera to the LORD and to his goodness in the latter days.
>Lev 26:39-42 - And those of you who are left shall rot away in your enemies' lands because of their iniquity, and also because of the iniquities of their fathers they shall rot away like them. But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me and also in walking contrary to me, so that I walked contrary to them and brought them into the land of their enemies - if then their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they make amends for their iniquity, then I will remember my covenant with Jacob and I will remember my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham and I will remember the land.
>Deut 30:1-3 - And when all these things come upon you, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before you, and you call them to mind amoung all the nations where the LORD your God has driven you, and return to the LORD your God, you and your children and obey his voice in all that I command you today, with all your heart and with all your soul, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you, and he will gather you again from all the peoples where the LORD your God has scatttered you.
[I think it's so incredible the amount of grace that God has for us in his heart. These verses talk about how important it is to God - that we would seek him with our whole hearts and that we know that we will find him in this way. often we wait to cry out to God until we are in something that is over our head. We make every decision that is within our control until we seek God and sometimes then it is too late. The Leviticus verse basically says that , yea if you decide to walk in a way that is opposite of God then suddenly what he is doing is opposite of you and he will often bring you into a difficult place (i.e the land of your enemies) to give you a second chance. Incredible. We walk away from God and still he extends grace - saying if we are humbled and repent that he will allow those amends to be made. Deut talks about returning to God - choosing to bless others rather than curse others. But again God is so gracious - he offers compassion if we only repent.]
V13 : "...When you seek me with all your heart, (v14) I will be found by you, declares the LORD,"
>Jeremiah 24:7 - I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.
>Deut 4:29 - But from there you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.
[The song by the Fray called "You found me" talks from the perspective of someone who is crying out to God and says God has showed up too late. I wrote some counter lyrics - from God's perspective to that person. Someday I hope to record and make a video for them. That song drives a wedge deep into my heart every time I hear it - because it suggests that God doesn't respond when we call to him. The truth however is that God has been pursuing since before we were born - that if we just reach out to him, He can show us exactly why it is that we need him. That if we truly search with all our heart - that He will be found by us.]
V 14: "and I will restore your fortunes..."
>ch 30:3 - For behold, days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will restore the fortunes of my people, Israel and Judah, says the LORD, and I will bring them back to the land that I gave to their fathers, and they shall take possession of it.
[Again, the image of God blessing his people and bringing them back to a promise he made a long time ago to bless them. Here it is about land - but it just shows how God is true to his promises. And the Bible is chock full of promises - it's amazing what hidden treasures you will find.]
V14: "...and gather you from all the nations and all the places..."
>ch 23:3- Then I will gather the remnant of my flock out of the countries where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to the their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply.
[I get this image of a shepherd and his sheep. Everyday he watches out for them. He cares for them even though they are stupid creatures that are always getting themselves into difficult places to reach, or wandering off. One day, he drives them off out of anger. But then, his love for them overwhelmes his anger and so he sets off across the hills, to gather every last one and bring them safely back. Its a really cool image. ]
V14: "...where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."
>ch 8:3 - Death shall be preferred to life by all the remnant that remains of this evil family in all the places where I have driven them.
[I almost didn't want to include this verse - it is so dark. But it is a solid reminder that our God is not a soft God to be walked on. We can't just take his grace and do whatever we want. Because there are places that he will allow us to go that will be unbearable because we have cut ourselves off from God in choosing that sin that thing that we want so badly that drives a wedge between us and God. ]
I thought picking up my life and moving out to the middle of what felt like nowhere would create this deep need in me for God. That I would hit rock bottom and cry out to God and at last would really 'feel' His presence in my overwhelming need for His companionship, for His understanding of what I'm going through. Ask those closest to me - I was excited to go through something 'hard' in my life - because I knew God would meet me there.
But this transition has been so not what I expected. This God-given peace that I haven't been able to shake has been here since day 1. We have slipped into life here so easily it has felt pretty seamless. Jay started his job, we have a place to live, we've applied for a place to rent, I have a job. We just got approved for a housing place in SL. In actuality, we are doing far better than we were financially in Ontario. We barely spend any money and thus, I think we may actually be able to put a dent in Jay's debt. All this is good - yes - and yes I totally give glory to God for it. And I'm thankful.
But I have realized that the complacency and apathy is a part of me. It is something I have nurtured over years of my life when I felt that little nudge to read my Bible and I just brushed over it. Years of doing that have made it a pattern in my life. And so here I am - back at square one.
Life here - right now - has a feeling of purposelessness. We live essentially for ourselves. We go to work, earn money, come home, and do what we want. Back at home, Young Life forced us out of our comfort zones, out of our tendency to use our free time for ourselves. Kids became part of our lives, part of our free time and even though I would say that most of it I felt as though I was barely giving anything, we were giving of ourselves in that way.
I know we are new here and we need to find a niche. But it is more than that and I recognize it in myself and I want to call it out. God has dreams for me - big dreams. Why else would he give me a passion and desire for music, for songwriting, for high school kids to feel loved, for people who are broken to feel that they are important. But I am not surrendering or making the most of those dreams. Jesus can't actually live and work through me if I am only opening my heart to him on some days.
If I dictate when I feel like speaking into other peoples' lives, I am missing all that God is calling me into. I am missing so much - all because I am selfish. Even if I said, "Ok God, I'm here, use me." - Saying that, but not acting on it - not starting with the first point of giving yourself to God - not surrendering my actual time in the morning to put Him first, or my time in the day to put Him first, or time at night - then I actually am not available to Him.
So in saying all this and not studying Scripture or putting God first right now - my words will be useless , weightless until I do.
So I'm going to do a reference study of Jeremiah 29:11-14. A lot of us Christians quote it when something hard comes up and we have to decide our future. But we don't actually study it in context of the Bible and where it shows up elsewhere in the Bible. I know I haven't before. And so I'm going to now.
............................................................................................................................................
Jeremiah 29:11-14
V11 : "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil..."
>Isaiah 55:8,9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
[our understanding of God is so limited - of the way he thinks and why He does what He does - because His 'ways' and 'thoughts' are so much higher than ours. Makes me think of that kid's story where the baby rabbit stretches out his arms and says "I love you this much" and the dad stretches out his arms and says,"Well I love you this much" - The dad's love always surpasses the kid's love and it is the same with the way God plans our lives - his dreams for us are so much bigger and involve 'wholeness' in Him
V11: "...to give you a future and a hope."
>ch 31:17 - There is hope for your future, declares the LORD, and your children shall come back to their own country.
[There is alot in this passage about returning to God. The Old Testament is so repetitive in that God's people are always disobeying him and then repenting and God takes them back - out of exile and back to their own country. Maybe this is the same in my life - I surrender stuff to God and then I disobey and lose sight of the original thing he gave into my hands. But God always promises to take us back when we repent - incredible grace]
V12: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you."
>ch 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
>Dan 9:3 - Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes.
[Every time I decide to not pick up my bible, to not pursue God - I miss out on hearing from his heart. There have been so many times when someone came to mind and I wondered why they were in my head. The times that I was actually in tune with God - he nudged me to pray for them. But the other times it was like I just didn't know what to think. The Bible is so full of hidden treasures and yet we convince ourselves that we know all that's in it, if we've grown up in the church. Daniel goes before God in complete humility - a sack for clothing, and ashes on his body, and going hungry until he hears God speak to him. Wow. I just can't begin to imagine revering God in such a way.]
V13: "You will seek me and find me..."
>2 Chr 15:2 - and he went out to meet Asa and said to him, "Hear me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin. The LORD is with you while you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.
>Ps 32:6: Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters they shall not reach him.
>Ps 78:34 - When he killed them, they sought him; they repented and sought God earnestly
>Prov 8:17 - I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.
>Isai 55:6 - Seek the LORD while he may be found, call upon him while he is near.
>Hos 3:5 - Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the LORD their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fera to the LORD and to his goodness in the latter days.
>Lev 26:39-42 - And those of you who are left shall rot away in your enemies' lands because of their iniquity, and also because of the iniquities of their fathers they shall rot away like them. But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me and also in walking contrary to me, so that I walked contrary to them and brought them into the land of their enemies - if then their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they make amends for their iniquity, then I will remember my covenant with Jacob and I will remember my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham and I will remember the land.
>Deut 30:1-3 - And when all these things come upon you, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before you, and you call them to mind amoung all the nations where the LORD your God has driven you, and return to the LORD your God, you and your children and obey his voice in all that I command you today, with all your heart and with all your soul, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you, and he will gather you again from all the peoples where the LORD your God has scatttered you.
[I think it's so incredible the amount of grace that God has for us in his heart. These verses talk about how important it is to God - that we would seek him with our whole hearts and that we know that we will find him in this way. often we wait to cry out to God until we are in something that is over our head. We make every decision that is within our control until we seek God and sometimes then it is too late. The Leviticus verse basically says that , yea if you decide to walk in a way that is opposite of God then suddenly what he is doing is opposite of you and he will often bring you into a difficult place (i.e the land of your enemies) to give you a second chance. Incredible. We walk away from God and still he extends grace - saying if we are humbled and repent that he will allow those amends to be made. Deut talks about returning to God - choosing to bless others rather than curse others. But again God is so gracious - he offers compassion if we only repent.]
V13 : "...When you seek me with all your heart, (v14) I will be found by you, declares the LORD,"
>Jeremiah 24:7 - I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.
>Deut 4:29 - But from there you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.
[The song by the Fray called "You found me" talks from the perspective of someone who is crying out to God and says God has showed up too late. I wrote some counter lyrics - from God's perspective to that person. Someday I hope to record and make a video for them. That song drives a wedge deep into my heart every time I hear it - because it suggests that God doesn't respond when we call to him. The truth however is that God has been pursuing since before we were born - that if we just reach out to him, He can show us exactly why it is that we need him. That if we truly search with all our heart - that He will be found by us.]
V 14: "and I will restore your fortunes..."
>ch 30:3 - For behold, days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will restore the fortunes of my people, Israel and Judah, says the LORD, and I will bring them back to the land that I gave to their fathers, and they shall take possession of it.
[Again, the image of God blessing his people and bringing them back to a promise he made a long time ago to bless them. Here it is about land - but it just shows how God is true to his promises. And the Bible is chock full of promises - it's amazing what hidden treasures you will find.]
V14: "...and gather you from all the nations and all the places..."
>ch 23:3- Then I will gather the remnant of my flock out of the countries where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to the their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply.
[I get this image of a shepherd and his sheep. Everyday he watches out for them. He cares for them even though they are stupid creatures that are always getting themselves into difficult places to reach, or wandering off. One day, he drives them off out of anger. But then, his love for them overwhelmes his anger and so he sets off across the hills, to gather every last one and bring them safely back. Its a really cool image. ]
V14: "...where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."
>ch 8:3 - Death shall be preferred to life by all the remnant that remains of this evil family in all the places where I have driven them.
[I almost didn't want to include this verse - it is so dark. But it is a solid reminder that our God is not a soft God to be walked on. We can't just take his grace and do whatever we want. Because there are places that he will allow us to go that will be unbearable because we have cut ourselves off from God in choosing that sin that thing that we want so badly that drives a wedge between us and God. ]
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