When I was in PEI this past summer, I took a walk on the beach by myself and discovered something very disconcerting.....fear.
Let me take a step back and say that I LOVE the beach. I grew up in South Carolina and the beach is somewhere I have always felt free. I'm no runner, but I love to run barefeet on the beach. As a teenager-young adult, my favourite thing to do was arm myself with nothing but a notepad and a guitar, and find some obscure rock to perch on along Folly Beach (in Charleston, SC) and write whatever came to mind. The words would often fly onto the page, my mind was so full, so inspired by the beauty around me.
One of the days in PEI, I took some time to sit on the edge of one of the cliffs, feet dangling, wind whipping at my hair, and a notebook in hand. Without a guitar I just wrote words that came to mind and this is what I wrote:
She's a wild sea child and there's nothing that she lacks
She finds her peace on the cliffs
with the wind at her back
She craves the open sky
the ocean breeze
She feels it call her name
It's as if time is standing still
And she's found her home again.
(August 2018)
But as I made my way down onto the abandoned beach, barefoot, I sensed something following me. It was this shadow of a feeling that I couldn't quite shake. The shape of fear.
I shook it off and stepped out onto the jagged rocks. A wave crashed suddenly against the shore and I jumped, and a feeling of intense fear washed over me. It was shockingly stark to the beauty in front of me.
I took a deep breath.......... and looked out on the ocean. But the water had changed. It looked darker. The waves seemed heavier and I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe. I ran lightly back to the stairs at the bottom of the cliff. What was wrong with me?
And it hit me. I was facing my fear. Not fear of anything particular - but the emotion itself. Up on the cliff, back inside the house, home in Ontario, there were so many distractions to take my mind off fear. Social media, kids, family, friends. I could change the subject, put on some worship music, pour myself into a new task, focus on everything BUT fear.
Fear isn't new.
I have faced and fought and won over fears in my life before. Fears that held me captive in a state of mind, fears that made me want to hurt myself, made me want to run away, fears that told me life could never be what I wanted it to be, that made me doubt myself and people I loved.
The only thing for me that has managed to break fear's spell on me - is the voice of truth - of Jesus. When you listen to a song and hear God declare His incredible love for you, His intentional design of you, and the grace that paves the way to seeing yourself how He created you to be. Man that voice blows fear out of the water. There's a verse early on in my marriage that really hit home
-"God has not given us a spirit of fear - but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
Turns out fear doesn't give up. It's a very persistent emotion. You win the battle in one area, it pops up in another. Kind of like a weed, I guess. And on this particular day on the beach - it was extremely disconcerting fear - to feel at peace above the beach on the cliffs and such fear down on the shore by the water.
Today at church band practice - fear popped its head up again. "I think you should lead this song," said Darrell, my pastor. Wait------what?
I don't have the voice for leading.
I don't know this song that well.
I can't do this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
There's definitely someone who can do this song more justice - it needs a powerful voice.
Guess what the song is called - "You make me brave." - Bethel Music & Amanda Cook
Have you heard this song? Here's the link .
You may get lost in the power of this song and not make it back here. No hard feelings. It's incredible.
Leading this song? Terrifying.
Check out the lyrics....
I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow
As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in
I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Your grace
Cause You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
................
Re-reading over my excuses, they sound all too familiar. I'm pretty sure this reaction shows up in the Bible....almost every time God asks someone to do something.
Something different.
Something new.
Something out of their comfort zone.
Something that fills them with fear. The kind of fear that feels paralyzing.
No lie. During practice today, as soon as I started singing the part "You make me brave," I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Like God - can I even sing this song without crying.
I decided something. I'm going to do it.
And my prayer is this. That God would use it to blow fear out of the water Sunday morning. That anyone who has walked in feeling like a fear is dogging their steps, that they can't move forward or backward, or maybe feel like Jesus has put something or someone on their heart and they've been ignoring it because it's far too terrifying - that God would meet them right where they're at.
I know that God has given me a voice and he can give me the courage.
He's brought me such a long way you wouldn't recognize the old me.
Let me paint you a picture.
~Third or fourth grade, I got a singing part in a play that I didn't audition for. I cried and begged them not to make me do it.
~I spent every day of middle and high school doing my best to be invisible. For fear of being singled out, looked at. I had absolutely no desire to get up in front of everyone.
~My high school graduation I puked beforehand and spent the whole ceremony chugging water (to be fair, there were 1000 people graduating in my class).
~But God had planted this love for music in me. And so behind closed doors, I wrote and I sang.
And then some chances came to play.
~I would play my songs wearing a hat, a hoodie, cover myself up to the best of my ability, and with hands and voice shaking play my songs.
~Someone shared the impact of the lyrics and I began to see that it was so much bigger than me. And I started to play more and write more.
~And now I see my kids have the same gifts planted in them and I want to model courage to them. I want to write about it and live it out.
~ Leading with just my voice is a completely different ballgame to singing my own stuff. And I feel like just facing the fear of it is like stepping back in time. But the difference is now that I've lived out the impact of songs. And I know that when God calls you into something, it's because there's somebody that needs desperately to hear it, to see it, to know it for themselves.
So God - let this song be a blessing to our church this Sunday. Let it not be about anyone's gift or anyone's platform, but all about your grace and your immense love that eradicates fear in the most life-changing way possible. xox
Let me take a step back and say that I LOVE the beach. I grew up in South Carolina and the beach is somewhere I have always felt free. I'm no runner, but I love to run barefeet on the beach. As a teenager-young adult, my favourite thing to do was arm myself with nothing but a notepad and a guitar, and find some obscure rock to perch on along Folly Beach (in Charleston, SC) and write whatever came to mind. The words would often fly onto the page, my mind was so full, so inspired by the beauty around me.
One of the days in PEI, I took some time to sit on the edge of one of the cliffs, feet dangling, wind whipping at my hair, and a notebook in hand. Without a guitar I just wrote words that came to mind and this is what I wrote:
She's a wild sea child and there's nothing that she lacks
She finds her peace on the cliffs
with the wind at her back
She craves the open sky
the ocean breeze
She feels it call her name
It's as if time is standing still
And she's found her home again.
(August 2018)
But as I made my way down onto the abandoned beach, barefoot, I sensed something following me. It was this shadow of a feeling that I couldn't quite shake. The shape of fear.
I shook it off and stepped out onto the jagged rocks. A wave crashed suddenly against the shore and I jumped, and a feeling of intense fear washed over me. It was shockingly stark to the beauty in front of me.
I took a deep breath.......... and looked out on the ocean. But the water had changed. It looked darker. The waves seemed heavier and I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe. I ran lightly back to the stairs at the bottom of the cliff. What was wrong with me?
And it hit me. I was facing my fear. Not fear of anything particular - but the emotion itself. Up on the cliff, back inside the house, home in Ontario, there were so many distractions to take my mind off fear. Social media, kids, family, friends. I could change the subject, put on some worship music, pour myself into a new task, focus on everything BUT fear.
Fear isn't new.
I have faced and fought and won over fears in my life before. Fears that held me captive in a state of mind, fears that made me want to hurt myself, made me want to run away, fears that told me life could never be what I wanted it to be, that made me doubt myself and people I loved.
The only thing for me that has managed to break fear's spell on me - is the voice of truth - of Jesus. When you listen to a song and hear God declare His incredible love for you, His intentional design of you, and the grace that paves the way to seeing yourself how He created you to be. Man that voice blows fear out of the water. There's a verse early on in my marriage that really hit home
-"God has not given us a spirit of fear - but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
Turns out fear doesn't give up. It's a very persistent emotion. You win the battle in one area, it pops up in another. Kind of like a weed, I guess. And on this particular day on the beach - it was extremely disconcerting fear - to feel at peace above the beach on the cliffs and such fear down on the shore by the water.
Today at church band practice - fear popped its head up again. "I think you should lead this song," said Darrell, my pastor. Wait------what?
I don't have the voice for leading.
I don't know this song that well.
I can't do this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
There's definitely someone who can do this song more justice - it needs a powerful voice.
Guess what the song is called - "You make me brave." - Bethel Music & Amanda Cook
Have you heard this song? Here's the link .
You may get lost in the power of this song and not make it back here. No hard feelings. It's incredible.
Leading this song? Terrifying.
Check out the lyrics....
I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow
As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in
I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Your grace
Cause You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
................
Re-reading over my excuses, they sound all too familiar. I'm pretty sure this reaction shows up in the Bible....almost every time God asks someone to do something.
Something different.
Something new.
Something out of their comfort zone.
Something that fills them with fear. The kind of fear that feels paralyzing.
No lie. During practice today, as soon as I started singing the part "You make me brave," I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Like God - can I even sing this song without crying.
I decided something. I'm going to do it.
And my prayer is this. That God would use it to blow fear out of the water Sunday morning. That anyone who has walked in feeling like a fear is dogging their steps, that they can't move forward or backward, or maybe feel like Jesus has put something or someone on their heart and they've been ignoring it because it's far too terrifying - that God would meet them right where they're at.
I know that God has given me a voice and he can give me the courage.
He's brought me such a long way you wouldn't recognize the old me.
Let me paint you a picture.
~Third or fourth grade, I got a singing part in a play that I didn't audition for. I cried and begged them not to make me do it.
~I spent every day of middle and high school doing my best to be invisible. For fear of being singled out, looked at. I had absolutely no desire to get up in front of everyone.
~My high school graduation I puked beforehand and spent the whole ceremony chugging water (to be fair, there were 1000 people graduating in my class).
~But God had planted this love for music in me. And so behind closed doors, I wrote and I sang.
And then some chances came to play.
~I would play my songs wearing a hat, a hoodie, cover myself up to the best of my ability, and with hands and voice shaking play my songs.
~Someone shared the impact of the lyrics and I began to see that it was so much bigger than me. And I started to play more and write more.
~And now I see my kids have the same gifts planted in them and I want to model courage to them. I want to write about it and live it out.
~ Leading with just my voice is a completely different ballgame to singing my own stuff. And I feel like just facing the fear of it is like stepping back in time. But the difference is now that I've lived out the impact of songs. And I know that when God calls you into something, it's because there's somebody that needs desperately to hear it, to see it, to know it for themselves.
So God - let this song be a blessing to our church this Sunday. Let it not be about anyone's gift or anyone's platform, but all about your grace and your immense love that eradicates fear in the most life-changing way possible. xox
