Sometimes God has to make something so glaringly obvious that you just can't ignore it any longer... I'm waking up.
My friend S who is an incredible artist shared this today...
It’s been a long time .
My friend S who is an incredible artist shared this today...
It’s been a long time .
Sometimes we consciously decide to take time away from things and sometimes life forces us, through circumstance, to take a breath, and walk, in a different direction for a bit. It was over a year ago that I was led away from the everyday comfort of my easel . The break wasn’t something I fully embraced , it was hard. It forced me to think about value , my value, my identity .
I have a deep desire to create and connect , to express things seen and felt in my soul; it is my narrative for processing a world that is in constant motion ; it is my act of defiance ; the quiet , slow reflection , the admiration for the details and all they tell me about how infinitely complex and fragile life is . The incredible thoughtfulness of creation. I am small in all of this , yet somehow significant. All of us are. I experience that in every drawing. I feel the love of my creator at my easel . The tension between my flesh and my soul , and the resolve.
In the past year I’ve had to face the feelings that I should be somewhere by now .I’ve had to begin to process the idea of being okay with no visible progress ( internal progress is a separate thing ) on things I felt so passionately about . I am still trying to be okay with that, it is a journey of learning to linger in the space between here and there, believing without visibly achieving.
I am returning to my easel with a bit of a different perspective as I reconnect . It has always been a gift to sit and draw . A gift of time and space, that I carry even more closely to my heart .
Reading this....just wow God. I've wrestled with God asking me to step back from my Etsy shop for over a year now. As in - "put it on vacation mode and LEAVE it there until God says - pick it back up."
My identity is wrapped up so much in creating. It is my escape, my safe place. And yet, having the shop - if I'm honest with myself - has made creating become about me, not about God. In and of itself- there's absolutely nothing wrong with creating an income from something that you love to do. For me personally, though, it has been a gateway to other struggles. The pull of social media, the need to constantly be sharing what I am doing, and the obsession with needing to feel seen and affirmed and appreciated for what I create. The little bits of income that come in that make me feel like this is worth pursuing.
I feel as though God has been trying to start a journey with me and I get all excited, pack my things, and then look behind me and am suddenly struck with all my doubts, and reasons why not to head out on this journey. OR I start the journey again (by putting the shop on vacation mode) only to stop and let it take back over me again. It's crazy thinking because the shop doesn't really provide much income. That's the excuse I tell myself, but really it's become this idol in my life.
I've been doing a study called "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter.
In it she calls our attention to the verse:
"I am the LORD you God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me." - Exodus 20:1-2
She shared a quote: "An idol is something other than God that we set our hearts on (Luke 12:29; 1 Cor. 10:19), that motivates us (1 Cor. 4:5), that masters and rules us (Psalm 119:133; Eph. 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isaiah. 42:17; Matt. 6:24; Luke 12:4-5).." - Ken Sande
READ THAT AGAIN.
When I started this study I felt that God was going to ask me again to put the shop aside. But I wasn't ready. So... I compromised. I took all of the made-to-order listings out of my shop, and just left what was in stock (ornaments, mobiles, craft kits and sewing patterns). But in my heart I had this image in my mind of a tent, with an idol in it. And I knew that I hadn't actually taken the idol out, all I had done was put it in the back corner of my tent. And both God and I knew it was still there. And more than that, because it was there, I would go every day to look at it, to admire it. To remind myself of how it made me feel good, about myself, about my accomplishments. And when I made a sale of something in stock, I told myself this is why I kept it open. I can be free to create what I want, when I want, and not have the pressure of custom orders. But truthfully, it had become about glorifying me, not about glorifying God.
My other friend - R - today spoke to this exact statement. She had posted a link to some beautiful calendars that she has created with paintings and scripture. I reached out to see what had prompted her to follow this path. I was curious because she is an artist and artists can create anything they want. So why had she decided to specifically focus on scriptural designs? This is a little bit of what she said.
I had felt that God had gifted me with the skill of art, and sharing His word would be a way to glorify Him and share His word. Over the last year and a half, I've been re-evaluating what I want to be creating. I was starting to feel burnt out by calligraphy and watercolour and felt a pulling/longing to paint a different way....I have narrowed down what I'm wanting to go forward with. Pieces that will be named with influence from God. Either praises, scripture, reminders of who He created us to be, etc. I've been working on sketches and creating a list of titles. I've been hearing them (either at church, lyrics, etc) and can start to visualize paintings from those titles. So while I don't have time to paint now, I am prepared for when I can....I'm going to paint to I'll list [the paintings] when I have collections, but also be ok if they don't sell right away. I need to just paint because God created me to paint. He didn't create me to sell.
So profound. God didn't create me to sell. He created me to paint.
You know, I believe that God really wants the best for us. I don't think He's out to deny us the gifts that He placed in us. But what I do believe is that He wants us to put Him first - ahead of everything that demands our hearts, our motivations, . I'm choosing to believe that by stepping out in faith and obeying Him, that He is going to blow me out of the water. Maybe He will give this back to me down the road. Maybe He won't. I don't know. But if God is the one that I set my heart on, that motivates me, that rules me, that I trust, fear (out of a respectful reverence) and serve - how can I possibly go wrong? He created me. He has a plan for me. He knows exactly what He's calling me towards. It might not be a glaringly obvious thing and that I will likely find hard. But if God is for us, who is against us?
I'll end with another thought from my friend - S.
I had this profound moment one day last year in the dead of winter alone outside with tears in my eyes . It felt like everything I had put my value in was being challenged and stripped away . I thought , well if we cannot place value in things that change , where is my value ? The answer was simple but important , I have innate value , I have value because I am , because God created me . That’s it , no strings attached , nothing earned . We know this superficially as Christian’s and yet I didn’t know it deep down inside , until I had very little to cling to. I am learning to let go , it is hard . My flesh wants to pursue pursue pursue. But know that God has a greater plan if I just let go .
Let go and let God move. xo
