Let Go

Sometimes God has to make something so glaringly obvious that you just can't ignore it any longer... I'm waking up. 

My friend S who is an incredible artist shared this today...

It’s been a long time . 

Sometimes we consciously decide to take time away from things and sometimes life forces us, through circumstance, to take a breath, and walk, in a different direction for a bit. It was over a year ago that I was led away from the everyday comfort of my easel . The break wasn’t something I fully embraced , it was hard. It forced me to think about value , my value, my identity .

I have a deep desire to create and connect , to express things seen and felt in my soul; it is my narrative for processing a world that is in constant motion ; it is my act of defiance ; the quiet , slow reflection , the admiration for the details and all they tell me about how infinitely complex and fragile life is . The incredible thoughtfulness of creation. I am small in all of this , yet somehow significant. All of us are. I experience that in every drawing. I feel the love of my creator at my easel . The tension between my flesh and my soul , and the resolve. 

In the past year I’ve had to face the feelings that I should be somewhere by now .I’ve had to begin to process the idea of being okay with no visible progress ( internal progress is a separate thing ) on things I felt so passionately about . I am still trying to be okay with that, it is a journey of learning to linger in the space between here and there, believing without visibly achieving. 

I am returning to my easel with a bit of a different perspective as I reconnect . It has always been a gift to sit and draw . A gift of time and space, that I carry even more closely to my heart .

Reading this....just wow God.  I've wrestled with God asking me to step back from my Etsy shop for over a year now. As in - "put it on vacation mode and LEAVE it there until God says - pick it back up."

 My identity is wrapped up so much in creating. It is my escape, my safe place. And yet, having the shop - if I'm honest with myself - has made creating become about me, not about God. In and of itself- there's absolutely nothing wrong with creating an income from something that you love to do. For me personally, though, it has been a gateway to other struggles. The pull of social media, the need to constantly be sharing what I am doing, and the obsession with needing to feel seen and affirmed and appreciated for what I create. The little bits of income that come in that make me feel like this is worth pursuing. 

I feel as though God has been trying to start a journey with me and I get all excited, pack my things, and then look behind me and am suddenly struck with all my doubts, and reasons why not to head out on this journey. OR I start the journey again (by putting the shop on vacation mode) only to stop and let it take back over me again. It's crazy thinking because the shop doesn't really provide much income. That's the excuse I tell myself, but really it's become this idol in my life. 

I've been doing a study called "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. 

In it she calls our attention to the verse:

"I am the LORD you God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me." - Exodus 20:1-2

She shared a quote: "An idol is something other than God that we set our hearts on (Luke 12:29; 1 Cor. 10:19), that motivates us (1 Cor. 4:5), that masters and rules us (Psalm 119:133; Eph. 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isaiah. 42:17; Matt. 6:24; Luke 12:4-5).." - Ken Sande

READ THAT AGAIN. 

When I started this study I felt that God was going to ask me again to put the shop aside. But I wasn't ready. So... I compromised. I took all of the made-to-order listings out of my shop, and just left what was in stock (ornaments, mobiles, craft kits and sewing patterns). But in my heart I had this image in my mind of a tent, with an idol in it. And I knew that I hadn't actually taken the idol out, all I had done was put it in the back corner of my tent. And both God and I knew it was still there. And more than that, because it was there, I would go every day to look at it, to admire it. To remind myself of how it made me feel good, about myself, about my accomplishments. And when I made a sale of something in stock, I told myself this is why I kept it open. I can be free to create what I want, when I want, and not have the pressure of custom orders. But truthfully, it had become about glorifying me, not about glorifying God.

My other friend - R - today spoke to this exact statement. She had posted a link to some beautiful calendars that she has created with paintings and scripture. I reached out to see what had prompted her to follow this path. I was curious because she is an artist and artists can create anything they want. So why had she decided to specifically focus on scriptural designs? This is a little bit of what she said. 

I had felt that God had gifted me with the skill of art, and sharing His word would be a way to glorify Him and share His word. Over the last year and a half, I've been re-evaluating what I want to be creating. I was starting to feel burnt out by calligraphy and watercolour and felt a pulling/longing to paint a different way....I have narrowed down what I'm wanting to go forward with. Pieces that will be named with influence from God. Either praises, scripture, reminders of who He created us to be, etc. I've been working on sketches and creating a list of titles. I've been hearing them (either at church, lyrics, etc) and can start to visualize paintings from those titles. So while I don't have time to paint now, I am prepared for when I can....I'm going to paint to  I'll list [the paintings] when I have collections, but also be ok if they don't sell right away. I need to just paint because God created me to paint. He didn't create me to sell. 

So profound. God didn't create me to sell. He created me to paint. 

You know, I believe that God really wants the best for us. I don't think He's out to deny us the gifts that He placed in us. But what I do believe is that He wants us to put Him first - ahead of everything that demands our hearts, our motivations, . I'm choosing to believe that by stepping out in faith and obeying Him, that He is going to blow me out of the water. Maybe He will give this back to me down the road. Maybe He won't. I don't know. But if God is the one that I set my heart on, that motivates me, that rules me, that I trust, fear (out of a respectful reverence) and serve - how can I possibly go wrong? He created me. He has a plan for me. He knows exactly what He's calling me towards. It might not be a glaringly obvious thing and that I will likely find hard. But if God is for us, who is against us?

I'll end with another thought from my friend - S. 

I had this profound moment one day last year in the dead of winter alone outside with tears in my eyes . It felt like everything I had put my value in was being challenged and stripped away . I thought , well if we cannot place value in things that change , where is my value ? The answer was simple but important , I have innate value , I have value because I am , because God created me . That’s it , no strings attached , nothing earned . We know this superficially as Christian’s and yet I didn’t know it deep down inside , until I had very little to cling to. I am learning to let go , it is hard . My flesh wants to pursue pursue pursue. But know that God has a greater plan if I just let go .

Let go and let God move. xo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FymxITRBBr4 

You Make Me Brave

When I was in PEI this past summer, I took a walk on the beach by myself and discovered something very disconcerting.....fear.

Let me take a step back and say that I LOVE the beach. I grew up in South Carolina and the beach is somewhere I have always felt free. I'm no runner, but I love to run barefeet on the beach. As a teenager-young adult, my favourite thing to do was arm myself with nothing but a notepad and a guitar, and find some obscure rock to perch on along Folly Beach (in Charleston, SC) and write whatever came to mind. The words would often fly onto the page, my mind was so full, so inspired by the beauty around me.

One of the days in PEI, I took some time to sit on the edge of one of the cliffs, feet dangling, wind whipping at my hair, and a notebook in hand. Without a guitar I just wrote words that came to mind and this is what I wrote:

She's a wild sea child and there's nothing that she lacks
She finds her peace on the cliffs
with the wind at her back
She craves the open sky
the ocean breeze
She feels it call her name
It's as if time is standing still
And she's found her home again.
(August 2018)

But as I made my way down onto the abandoned beach, barefoot, I sensed something following me. It was this shadow of a feeling that I couldn't quite shake. The shape of fear.
I shook it off and stepped out onto the jagged rocks. A wave crashed suddenly against the shore and I jumped, and a feeling of intense fear washed over me. It was shockingly stark to the beauty in front of me.

I took a deep breath.......... and looked out on the ocean. But the water had changed. It looked darker. The waves seemed heavier and I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe. I ran lightly back to the stairs at the bottom of the cliff. What was wrong with me?

And it hit me. I was facing my fear. Not fear of anything particular - but the emotion itself. Up on the cliff, back inside the house, home in Ontario, there were so many distractions to take my mind off fear. Social media, kids, family, friends. I could change the subject, put on some worship music, pour myself into a new task, focus on everything BUT fear.

Fear isn't new.
I have faced and fought and won over fears in my life before. Fears that held me captive in a state of mind, fears that made me want to hurt myself, made me want to run away, fears that told me life could never be what I wanted it to be, that made me doubt myself and people I loved.
The only thing for me that has managed to break fear's spell on me - is the voice of truth - of Jesus. When you listen to a song and hear God declare His incredible love for you, His intentional design of you, and the grace that paves the way to seeing yourself how He created you to be. Man that voice blows fear out of the water. There's a verse early on in my marriage that really hit home
-"God has not given us a spirit of fear - but of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

Turns out fear doesn't give up. It's a very persistent emotion. You win the battle in one area, it pops up in another. Kind of like a weed, I guess. And on this particular day on the beach - it was extremely disconcerting fear - to feel at peace above the beach on the cliffs and such fear down on the shore by the water.

Today at church band practice - fear popped its head up again. "I think you should lead this song," said Darrell, my pastor. Wait------what?

I don't have the voice for leading.
I don't know this song that well.
I can't do this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
There's definitely someone who can do this song more justice - it needs a powerful voice.

Guess what the song is called - "You make me brave." - Bethel Music & Amanda Cook
Have you heard this song? Here's the link .

You may get lost in the power of this song and not make it back here. No hard feelings. It's incredible.
Leading this song? Terrifying.

Check out the lyrics....

I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Your grace

Cause You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

................

Re-reading over my excuses, they sound all too familiar. I'm pretty sure this reaction shows up in the Bible....almost every time God asks someone to do something.
Something different.
Something new.
Something out of their comfort zone.
Something that fills them with fear. The kind of fear that feels paralyzing.

No lie. During practice today, as soon as I started singing the part "You make me brave," I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Like God - can I even sing this song without crying.

I decided something. I'm going to do it.
And my prayer is this. That God would use it to blow fear out of the water Sunday morning. That anyone who has walked in feeling like a fear is dogging their steps, that they can't move forward or backward, or maybe feel like Jesus has put something or someone on their heart and they've been ignoring it because it's far too terrifying - that God would meet them right where they're at.

I know that God has given me a voice and he can give me the courage.
He's brought me such a long way you wouldn't recognize the old me.
Let me paint you a picture.

~Third or fourth grade, I got a singing part in a play that I didn't audition for. I cried and begged them not to make me do it.
~I spent every day of middle and high school doing my best to be invisible. For fear of being singled out, looked at. I had absolutely no desire to get up in front of everyone.
~My high school graduation I puked beforehand and spent the whole ceremony chugging water (to be fair, there were 1000 people graduating in my class).
~But God had planted this love for music in me. And so behind closed doors, I wrote and I sang.
And then some chances came to play.
~I would play my songs wearing a hat, a hoodie, cover myself up to the best of my ability, and with hands and voice shaking play my songs.
~Someone shared the impact of the lyrics and I began to see that it was so much bigger than me. And I started to play more and write more.
~And now I see my kids have the same gifts planted in them and I want to model courage to them. I want to write about it and live it out. 
~ Leading with just my voice is a completely different ballgame to singing my own stuff. And I feel like just facing the fear of it is like stepping back in time. But the difference is now that I've lived out the impact of songs. And I know that when God calls you into something, it's because there's somebody that needs desperately to hear it, to see it, to know it for themselves.

So God - let this song be a blessing to our church this Sunday. Let it not be about anyone's gift or anyone's platform, but all about your grace and your immense love that eradicates fear in the most life-changing way possible. xox

Humble Pie & The Invitation

Tonight I ate a slice of humble pie.
And let me tell you - it was a heck of a lot more satisfying than the other things I gorged myself on today.

Yesterday I wrote a post on fb (posted here) about wrestling with something and God showing me that it all comes down to coming to Him with my questions.
I stressed the importance of spending time with God every day and I spoke passionately and fervently about the impact and the changes that I could see Jesus bringing about in my life because of making that a priority.

Those words never rang truer than they did today and I'll tell you why.

Let me paint you a picture of how today went. It's a picture of prioritizing everything but God and it didn't work out so well. (If you just came here for the humble pie part, skip to after the ......)

Woke up at 6am with Isaiah. Slept for an hour and woke up at 7am.
The perfect chance to sit down and spend some time with God, right? 
Wrong. 

Usually at 7am I've been doing my bible study time while Isaiah watches Paw Patrol before the craziness of the day hits,  but this morning I decided, "Nah, I'd rather sleep. It'll all work out."
Woke up at 8am. Crap. Micah has to be at school for 8:45. So me rushing around stressed, yelling orders pretty much set the tone for today.
Dropped Micah off and came home.

The perfect chance to sit down and spend some time with God, right? 
Wrong. 

I NEEDED to do some phone calls for work.
Guess what. They didn't go how I wanted. Which only made me more stressed and frustrated.

When I get stressed I usually do one of two things:
-eat anything unhealthy (in today's case it was bits of the gingerbread house we made yesterday)
-watch youtube videos to distract myself from how I'm feeling

The problem with these "quick fixes" is that the sugar makes me even moodier and the youtube vids suck my attention and motivation to get anything done. I wander around in a zombie state, doing half jobs here and there, distracted and half present. My two year old must have sensed this because he took it upon himself to rip up his brother's handmade ornament, break one of my fav ornaments, throw piles of toys around the house, help himself to candy, and throw random tantrums throughout the day. Lunch was rushed and stressful. Put Isaiah down for a nap and thankfully he went right to sleep.

Then came two hours of alone time.
The perfect chance to spend time with God right? Wrong.

 I had shop orders due for after Christmas that I NEEDED to get done. I mean, technically my customers weren't asking for them to be done today or even this week, but I wanted them out of my mind so they were a priority. Got one done, woke Isaiah up and rushed to pick up Micah.
Straight after that was a dentist appt. Kids were good during but after all hell broke loose when they both wanted to push the automatic door opener. Everyone was whining in the car ride home.

Came home and had an hour before our chiropractor appt.

The perfect chance to spend time with God right? Wrong.

I honestly can't remember what I did during this hour. Maybe youtube vids/an order. More sweets. My brain forgets.

We rushed to the chiropractor appt where the kids got to see Santa and gobble up more sweets.
Isaiah helped himself to a third doughnut after I had said no, got it taken away and threw a tantrum as we left. We all arrived home grumpy.

Ate dinner, and decided to put the kids downstairs for a movie so that I could clean up the kitchen, living room, and toy areas for the 50th time today.

The perfect chance to spend time with God right? Wrong.

Ended up staying downstairs and watching the movie. "I deserve this. The kids need this cuddle time."

Bedtime was late, everyone was grumpy, and I was spent.

.......................

Here comes the humble pie part.

I was just in the middle of writing an intense email to my husband about how I felt I was losing it when my phone informed me that my email time was over. From 9pm-9am I can't access certain apps on my phone unless I know a password. A password that only my husband knows. I had requested this be put in place because I found I was staying up too late, struggling with an addiction to social media and on my phone too much. So now I couldn't access fb, safari or my email.

The perfect chance to spend time with God right? YES!
(I imagine God took a deep breath at this point, and said, "FINALLY!!")

I opened it thinking - "Ok God what do you have for me that I probably should have read this morning?"The title was "THE INVITATION."

Priscilla started by sharing a story about her grandmother. A sweet soul. She had a husband who travelled a lot. She was raising 8 children. EIGHT CHILDREN?!! Oh....my....goodness....
She had suffered losing two children and a sickness that had left her with some physical limitations.

But all the while she was fervent in prayer and faithful in her priorities as a wife and mother.

She ALSO had this desire - to be a missionary - to travel and share about Jesus across the world.
But her dream never came to be. Because - she was a mom of 8.

Instead of complaining and sulking in discontentment, she looked at her busy brood and saw that they were her mission field. She taught them God's word, they watched her pray and learned to pray themselves. I love this quote: "the trajectory of their lives was completely changed because one woman accepted what God had placed in front of her as an invitation  to partner with Him in the purposes He'd planned for her life."

I thought about my boys and the kind of person I had modelled for them today. A mother who favours sleep, treats, social media, my phone over time with Jesus. Things that are empty, useless, unsatisfying and time-wasting. And as a result a mother that was easily frustrated, impatient, annoyed, and relieved when they went to bed.

Priscilla goes on to say, "In discerning God's leading, one of the most impactful requests you can make is to ask God to open up your eyes to see - to really see- where He is working around you and then to jump on board with it. Instead of trying to frantically (and unsuccessfully) create your own opportunities, be looking for the places where God is already moving."

Honestly, since I've started this study, I've seen God move dramatically in my heart. He has created a desire and hunger to spend time with Him - something that I never have had in my 31 years consistently. If I miss a day, I feel I've actually missed out on something special.
I was saying to my mum the other night - if there's anything I've gleaned from this study, it's that God longs to pour into us and provide what we need for each moment, each day. It may not be what we think we want or need. It may not be a miracle or a reprieve from our circumstances. It may just be a little bit of something to help you face that particular struggle of the day, a glimpse of His character , a promise to sustain you when doubts hit, a reminder of His deep love for you when you feel small, a peace that surpasses all understanding when you're overwhelmed. 

Jesus says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I'll finish with this last bit from my study.

"The Holy Spirit reveals God's plan to you as He orchestrated the circumstances of your life. When your spiritual eyes are open to see His divine activity on the earth and your heart is stirred to engage, this is an invitation. He has allowed you to see this "open door" as a way to personally invite you to participate with Him. You don't need to know all the details of how everything will work out before you say yes. You just say, yes, up front, knowing that if He's invited you to do it, He will empower you to carry it out.
Say yes to His invitation."

God bless. xox

Come and Ask Me Yourself

"Call to me and I will answer you & tell you great & unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
....
This verse was actually an answer tonight to a question I wrote down to God early this morning. 

I've been wrestling with a particular decision for some time now and I have been struggling to know if I'm discerning God's voice in this. So this morning I wrote down, "God I struggle to know your will on this because....Can you give a word for me regarding this to a mentor? 

Then tonight I get a message from a lovely lady who I have always thought of as a mentor and she wrote one verse: Jeremiah 33:3.

How can God be any clearer? He's saying - Trust me Beth, ask me questions, I will give you the answers you need in this situation. I was saying I needed someone else to confirm God's voice and He's saying - no come and ask me yourself.
.....
Listening to God for me has never been an audible voice thing. Some people experience that but for me it's a restlessness in my spirit when something's not right, and then verses and lyrics coming to mind that nudge me in a direction. I've been doing this amazing study this past season called "Discerning the Voice of God - How to Recognize when God speaks" by Priscilla Shirer.
And it's brought so much to light. Ugly stuff about myself, truths that God speaks over me, and a sense that He delights in me, a beautiful awareness of what it means to look through Jesus' eyes at people, at situations, at struggles, at myself. And it's been hard. Tackling things in myself that I had let thrive, unhealthy aspects of myself that I have ignored or justified. 

I honestly can say that before I started doing this study, I didn't crave time with Jesus. And the less time that I spent with him, I unintentionally dulled His voice and watered down the truth of the gospel. I've def been the biggest kind of hypocrite this year. The truth is hard to face. 

But with that truth, comes a question - Will you follow me? It's a daily question- sometimes a moment by moment question. And boy, is it easy to slip back into the "nah, I'm good, I don't need Jesus mentality" until the shit hits the fan. And then I realize - oh yeah I really don't have it all together. And this coasting mentality to my faith doesn't do a thing for me or anyone else. 

I want to be the kind of person that isn't bound by fear of what people think, or avoids the uncomfortable. Have you ever read how Jesus lived? I don't really know if he would fit into the Christian culture we have today - this image of a sweet, cuddly Jesus who never rocks the boat and has it all together. He actually preferred to spend his time with people who were broken, looked down on, people that made others uncomfortable, people that may look good on the outside but were hurting and searching on the inside. He loved people deeply but he also called it like it was and challenged people to live differently. 

It's certainly hard to discern God's voice these days, at least when we are looking to people around us to tell us what to do, what is right. We have so many people claiming what truth is what you make it.
I don't have this all figured out - but I'll tell you one thing. Choosing to make time every day to lean into Jesus, to read my Bible and dig in and ask questions - that's making all the difference for me. I feel like I'm breathing deeper than I have in a long time. And it all comes back to talking to Him first.
.....
I didn't intend to write so much, but I guess I needed to get some stuff off my heart. And I know there's people that will read this and think - wow I didn't know Beth was crazy religious. Let me stop you - I'm kinda a nut. This is true. I regularly have crazy dance parties in my kitchen with my boys to the Greatest Showman track. But I cringe at the word "religious." For me, it's not about a set of rules, or a denomination, or being a certain type of person. It really just comes down to a relationship with Jesus. One that is a work in progress. One minute at a time. xox

Waking up

I feel as though I'm waking up. Like I'm lifting my head up above a fog that's been consuming me for the past while. I think I have raised my head up a few times, caught a glimpse of what I needed to see, and fully intended to act on it, only to get pulled back down by a mix of people needing me, and me wanting to be needed.

In December, I've been promised the gift of a baby. December 2nd to be exact. If that promise changes my hope and trust will continue to rest on God but my hope is it doesn't change. I am looking forward to this new season of my life for many reasons - the number one reason being that I can focus solely on being a wife and mother for the first time in a long time.

It took an argument with my incredibly patient husband to see what I've glossed over, dunked down and flat out ignored this past year - that I've put Young Life and it's needs before that of my husband's over and over and it's worn us thin in places that are so difficult to see within the fog. Places that my husband has patiently kept to himself. Whilst I've been in the spotlight serving God and others, he has been behind the scenes, faithful and understanding, steering this ship of marriage that we're on with a firm hand, caring for the practical stuff, and looking out for our future. Our future. I am so thankful we still have that, that my misplaced need for affirmation and righteous quest hasn't cut us off from that. We have a future with our relationship and with this baby to come as we enter this new stretch of life as parents.

Don't get me wrong - I believe that we are called to serve God and that He even calls us to put Him before our families. I think though, to be perfectly honest, I have put Young Life at times even before my relationship with God. Strange how something can be so linked to God and driven by it and yet in our human weakness we raise it up over God. Sometimes He uses something to gently remind us, sometimes He uses something bitter and difficult to open our eyes. I am so thankful for what seemed so difficult that has now shown me the truth of what I needed to see.

God has done EVERYTHING in Young Life this year. Not me. God has brought more leaders on board. God has drawn kids to Him through the message of Jesus. God has equipped leaders and filled them with strength when they needed. God has given them the tools to do the task He has called them to. God has strengthened our committee and brought financial donors on board. God has and is opening our community's eyes to the need for Young Life as a tool to spread the incredible message of Christ and what a friendship with Him can look like to these teens.

And now God is equipping us for campaigners - for regular Bible studies with the kids that really want to grow in their faith. He has provided a tangible resource to follow, people to lead and I see now how easy it could have been for me a long time ago to step back, to not overwhelm myself with this sense that I am needed, that I am the only one that can do what needs to be done. It was a role that I took on at first with great excitement, but at times it was a burden and instead of pulling back to let others step forward, I just pushed myself, exhausting every inch of my resources including my marriage in trying to take charge of things.

It is a graceful line to walk now - this transitional period - from being at the front of the stage to the back of the auditorium, cheering on the people that God is calling to carry this forward.
But the more I let go, the more I see how God has already provided leaders to carry this on and I trust He will continue to provide people moving forward. Blessed and grateful to recognize this in the midst of it. 

Filled to the brim with gratefulness.

Am thinking about my life right now and I just feel like I'm a cup that's been filled up right to the top - spilling over with a sense of God's faithfulness. Since leading us to Slave Lake God has opened some amazing doors in our lives and I can see how He has blessed us so clearly - with relationships, and opportunities but also how He has put people in my life that need someone to reach out to them, to be there for them, to help them out, that listen. When you ask God to open your eyes to see people the way He sees them - don't take it lightly. It's a weighty thing to ask and it's exhausting.

So many people are broken and hurting and struggling to see how God is present in their lives because of their pain and when you commit to following Jesus, you are committing to be His hands and feet - to be a tangible sense of God's comfort in someone's life. It is hard at times and overwhelming but when you are grounded and understand what it means to give stuff back to Him He gives you what you need to be able to do what He asks of you. Pray about it when you don't know what to do, or what to say, or how to speak into someone's life, ask for strength when you don't have any left for that person that needs someone to lean on, ALWAYS point people in God's direction because it's NOT you that doing it, it's God working through you and if you try to take credit you will also shoulder the weight of other peoples' pain which no person can handle.

What I'm saying is - when you give your life to God and choose to follow His direction - incredible things happen that you could not imagine. The kinds of people God will introduce you to, the opportunities that spring up to encourage people and be a source of comfort in their lives - I honestly can't think of anything more fulfilling. When we fixate on our issues our problems and go over and over them in our minds, we can drown in that self-absorbed state and not see the amazing things in front of us.

We always have the ability to build someone up, to call out the amazing qualities in our friends, to inspire other people - regardless of your situation you have this ability. It's a journey to discover it and ask God to show you how to let it unfold and it's a crazy wild adventure. Am so incredibly thankful. (If this inspires you, please do something about it, don't just read it and then scroll down to the next random status - ask God how you can encourage someone today that really needs it and look for that opportunity to surface and then take it! And then share it! And challenge others to do the same)

Equipped & Thankful (YL Leader Retreat 2014) - Part 3

Jan. 26, 2014 - Sunday

This entry will be short because I actually ended up missing the time of worship and Christine's talk. Had the opportunity to talk with a Calgary staff person - Eric Riddick and it was a good conversation.  We started with reminiscing about living in a southern state, progressed into discussing Young Life and it's tendency to draw in mostly white people, theories on how to reach different cultures and how to earn the right within those cultures, to how hard it is when God asks you to reach people that you either don't have a heart for, or are afraid of the challenges they will bring.

Personally, I have always had a heart for the rough-around-the-edges kids. But those are also the ones that are the toughest to share your life with - it requires more time, more patience, more compassion, and a lot more dependence on God. Funny enough, when we moved to Slave Lake, AB, I had my heart set on starting Young Life with senior highs. I felt that junior high age was too close to little kids and I have never had much patience for little kids. But as usual - when I surrendered 'my goals' to God, He turned my heart around to be open to starting with junior high kids. And it was an incredibly unexpected surprise just how easy it was to fall in love with this age group of teens. They have so much energy, they pull me out of my comfort zone and into new experiences in a really cool way, they allow me to be a big kid around them, yet be an older sister type figure when they are hurting or need encouragement. They alternate between highs and lows on an every day basis - they feel things so strongly - sometimes it's a roller-coaster ride - ha - but worth it. Sometimes I feel like an old fart around them but other times I'm one of them and it's an immensely rewarding feeling when they let down their guards and show you that you're important to them, that you're actually making a difference in their lives. I feel so blessed to get to spend time with both the SL junior and senior high teens - and I know God still has much in store for this town through Young Life!

But I digress, ha. Although I missed the last talk of the retreat, we still met as a small group to answer questions. So here they are (with group answers included):

1) What are the lies that you hear?
-not pretty enough
-if you live in SL, you need to drive a big truck
-not talented
-not cut out to be a YL leader
-body image struggles
-that if you mess up, God won't take you back


2) What is the Scripture that helps to counter that?
-if you mess up, God won't take you back: Psalm 37:23-24: The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way. Though he fall, he won't be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.
-not good enough - Eccl. 9:10: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.
-body image: Prov. 31:25: Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the days to come.

3) What can you take away from this retreat and how can you hold each other accountable?
-encouragement
-refreshment in the Spirit
-assurance that we are a good leader team

We didn't spend too much time on the last question but what we chose to do instead was, I believe, more valuable. I asked the team to take the time and share things that they'd seen in the other leaders, ways to affirm them, things that were appreciated about them. I shared that along with scripture revealing truths about us - it also helps to share things that we see to encourage each other. From what I remember these are some of the things that were shared.

Gloria:
-gentle spirit
-kind
-encouraging
-strong - willing to stay on with YL even though at times didn't feel sure of herself
-brave - tries things at RRC and in club out of comfort zone

Matt:
-loyal
-heart for God
-dependable
-great at engaging with YL kids
-gets out of comfort zone


Jake:
-really good at relating to kids, introducing himself, and connecting
-hard worker - gives his all
-kind natured
-smart
-willing to get out of his comfort zone and do talk

Jazzy:
-funny
-able to go with the flow; spontaneous
-powerful prayer - speaks with authority
-crazy fun side
-talented

Beth:
-strong
-committed - keeps going
-works hard
-passionate
-humble and love for God

Mal:
-talented - guitar/singing
-down-to-earth
-accepting
-really good at leading in YL
-love for God

Becky:
-gentle-natured
-kind
-fun bubbly side
-smile
-strong
-like an egg, and the egg has cracked (Gloria referring to our fun dance party, ha)

Brooke: (came along to check out the retreat)
-honest - says things like they are
-open with who she is
-kind
-willing to be fun and ridiculous
-strong

Katharina: 
-kind
-committed - sticks to what she commits to
-incredibly talented: guitar/singing
-loyal to her friends

We spent our last couple hours, even staying behind an hour after everyone else had left to finish sharing with each other. It was an incredible time of being open with each other and I felt, as we parted ways, that it had been a really great weekend. At some point during the weekend, God had taken away my feeling of illness and I had been able to really relax and soak it all up. I felt as I left that I was equipped and thankful for the great big gift that God had given us through this retreat.