Equipped & Thankful (YL Leader Retreat 2014) - Part 3

Jan. 26, 2014 - Sunday

This entry will be short because I actually ended up missing the time of worship and Christine's talk. Had the opportunity to talk with a Calgary staff person - Eric Riddick and it was a good conversation.  We started with reminiscing about living in a southern state, progressed into discussing Young Life and it's tendency to draw in mostly white people, theories on how to reach different cultures and how to earn the right within those cultures, to how hard it is when God asks you to reach people that you either don't have a heart for, or are afraid of the challenges they will bring.

Personally, I have always had a heart for the rough-around-the-edges kids. But those are also the ones that are the toughest to share your life with - it requires more time, more patience, more compassion, and a lot more dependence on God. Funny enough, when we moved to Slave Lake, AB, I had my heart set on starting Young Life with senior highs. I felt that junior high age was too close to little kids and I have never had much patience for little kids. But as usual - when I surrendered 'my goals' to God, He turned my heart around to be open to starting with junior high kids. And it was an incredibly unexpected surprise just how easy it was to fall in love with this age group of teens. They have so much energy, they pull me out of my comfort zone and into new experiences in a really cool way, they allow me to be a big kid around them, yet be an older sister type figure when they are hurting or need encouragement. They alternate between highs and lows on an every day basis - they feel things so strongly - sometimes it's a roller-coaster ride - ha - but worth it. Sometimes I feel like an old fart around them but other times I'm one of them and it's an immensely rewarding feeling when they let down their guards and show you that you're important to them, that you're actually making a difference in their lives. I feel so blessed to get to spend time with both the SL junior and senior high teens - and I know God still has much in store for this town through Young Life!

But I digress, ha. Although I missed the last talk of the retreat, we still met as a small group to answer questions. So here they are (with group answers included):

1) What are the lies that you hear?
-not pretty enough
-if you live in SL, you need to drive a big truck
-not talented
-not cut out to be a YL leader
-body image struggles
-that if you mess up, God won't take you back


2) What is the Scripture that helps to counter that?
-if you mess up, God won't take you back: Psalm 37:23-24: The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way. Though he fall, he won't be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.
-not good enough - Eccl. 9:10: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.
-body image: Prov. 31:25: Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the days to come.

3) What can you take away from this retreat and how can you hold each other accountable?
-encouragement
-refreshment in the Spirit
-assurance that we are a good leader team

We didn't spend too much time on the last question but what we chose to do instead was, I believe, more valuable. I asked the team to take the time and share things that they'd seen in the other leaders, ways to affirm them, things that were appreciated about them. I shared that along with scripture revealing truths about us - it also helps to share things that we see to encourage each other. From what I remember these are some of the things that were shared.

Gloria:
-gentle spirit
-kind
-encouraging
-strong - willing to stay on with YL even though at times didn't feel sure of herself
-brave - tries things at RRC and in club out of comfort zone

Matt:
-loyal
-heart for God
-dependable
-great at engaging with YL kids
-gets out of comfort zone


Jake:
-really good at relating to kids, introducing himself, and connecting
-hard worker - gives his all
-kind natured
-smart
-willing to get out of his comfort zone and do talk

Jazzy:
-funny
-able to go with the flow; spontaneous
-powerful prayer - speaks with authority
-crazy fun side
-talented

Beth:
-strong
-committed - keeps going
-works hard
-passionate
-humble and love for God

Mal:
-talented - guitar/singing
-down-to-earth
-accepting
-really good at leading in YL
-love for God

Becky:
-gentle-natured
-kind
-fun bubbly side
-smile
-strong
-like an egg, and the egg has cracked (Gloria referring to our fun dance party, ha)

Brooke: (came along to check out the retreat)
-honest - says things like they are
-open with who she is
-kind
-willing to be fun and ridiculous
-strong

Katharina: 
-kind
-committed - sticks to what she commits to
-incredibly talented: guitar/singing
-loyal to her friends

We spent our last couple hours, even staying behind an hour after everyone else had left to finish sharing with each other. It was an incredible time of being open with each other and I felt, as we parted ways, that it had been a really great weekend. At some point during the weekend, God had taken away my feeling of illness and I had been able to really relax and soak it all up. I felt as I left that I was equipped and thankful for the great big gift that God had given us through this retreat. 

An Attitude of Stillness (YL Leader Retreat 2014 - Part 2)

Jan. 25, 2014 - Journal entry

[Worship]

Worship at this retreat has been incredible. I realize that I am starving for worship like this. Drums, electric guitar, acoustic, beautiful voices - the songs are ones that speak deeply into my soul, and the music floods my senses, I just don't want it to end. (I asked for the powerpoint of the songs after the retreat and these are the ones we sang.)

Songs:
How he loves us
Your love never fails
10,000 Reasons
Cornerstone
Deep cries out
Set a Fire
Freedom Reigns
Happy Day
Forever Reign

When we get back home I have a vision to start up a worship night. I am going to learn some songs, open up my home to whoever wants to come and just make it a time for pure worship. I know I have enough on my plate as it is, but this is something my heart is crying out for - songs that tug me right into your presence. I know that you have people out there God who are craving this too. I don't pretend to be able to play incredibly well but for now I want to just start with something and see how You grow it.

[We will not fear though....]

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the LORD, how He has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.  Selah.

[Christine Woods - Speaker]

Christine shared about her son, Liam, who doesn't know how to sit still. Always moving, always distracted, it is a constant battle to get him to remember to put his jacket on. If Christine wants Liam to register what she is saying to him, she will call him to come to her. She then bends down, and holding his face between her hands, looks him in the eyes, and says, "Liam. Look at me." His whole body will be wiggling, he won't focus. "Liam, look at me." He looks into her eyes. "Liam, where is your jacket? Liam what did I say?" He will stare blankly at her, "Uhh." "Liam, go get your jacket. Now what did I say." His eyes will suddenly light up, "Go get my jacket."

We are like this with God.

[Speak, I'm listening]

Idea - if you really want to get to know your Bible, read a children's bible. It tells you story after story, simply. Christine pulled out "The Beginner's Bible". (I think we had this one as kids).

I don't remember exactly how it read, but basically, Samuel was asleep and God called out, "Samuel!" He got up and went to Eli. "Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?"And Eli realized it was God calling. He said to Samuel, "Go, lie down, and if he calls you, say, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." So Samuel went and lay down. God said, "Samuel." Samuel said, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." And God spoke to Samuel.

1 Samuel 2:21 - Samuel grew up in the presence of God. (similar to a busy YL leader)
-and yet Samuel didn't know God - didn't recognize his voice : we can be so busy for God and not know Him

"Be still before God." - not an action - it's an attitude

-when we get busy/stressed, we get hit with lies
(i.e. for me - you're not cut out to lead YL, you're not a good wife, etc)
-the only way to get out of that cycle of running around and being hit with lies, is to Be still before God. There are different ways of being still - music, nature, writing, sitting, running, God has different ways of making his truth known to us.

[Small group Q's] -my answers

1) What is the hardest thing about being still for you?
-letting go of all the things I want to feel that I'm in control of - by thinking about those things and making plans, I feel like I'm on top of stuff
-impatience at waiting
-always wanting to speak not listen
-the fear that I won't hear from God or that He will make me wait a really long time
-selfish desires to do what I want when I want

2) Have you heard God speak before? What did He say? 
In the first year of our marriage, I used to dwell on "what if's". My first boyfriend cheated on me and it had left me with this deep rooted fear of happening again. I became fixated on the idea that it could happen with Jay - even though Jay gave me NO reason to think that. My mind was always racing and I would start thinking of scenarios that could happen, bringing myself to tears in a matter of moments. In my mind I had Jay tried, found guilty, and convicted a 100 times or more. It was a cycle of lies that I got swept up in and it ruined my chance to be 'in the moment' and enjoy time with Jay because it was so destructive. My dreams started to be impacted by it - in my dreams Jay was apathetic with my trust, he would flirt with girls and when I questioned it he would shrug it off. I would wake up feeling hurt and betrayed even though Jay was sleeping soundly beside me totally unaware of my emotions. In real life, Jay was about as opposite as you can get of my fears. He strove to honour me in what he watched, how he lived, he had no interest in flirting with other women, he gave me all the attention and respect that he could muster. But these lies continued to strip me of seeing things clearly. They would batter my thoughts subconsciously even when I wasn't directing my thoughts at them.

One night I was in bed reading and God gave me this verse, "The Spirit of the Lord is not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." I had heard it before but this time it struck a chord with me. God told me (not in an audible voice, but in the thoughts He brought to mind) - these lies you're entertaining, this is not evidence of a sound mind but a spirit of fear. You are no longer bound by the spirit of fear because of Jesus.

It was like this heavy weight just lifted from my shoulders as I realized the powerful truth of those words. Sitting in bed, I just felt like a fog had been lifted from my mind. This battle in my head was not truth - I didn't have to believe these lies because Jesus had conquered all of that through His death and resurrection.

Looking back on that moment I can tell you that night, that subconscious cycle of lies was obliterated when God gave me that truth. After that my thoughts just didn't even go there, there was no subconscious pull towards the fear of cheating. The only time after that, that I encountered those lies, it was just one or two fleeting ones that would skip past the surface of my mind, after I saw a movie that encouraged cheating, or had a bad dream. That particular cycle of lies no longer had a hold on me.

3) How can you incorporate 'being still' into your life?
For me, being still looks like taking time in the morning before God. It is a discipline that I have struggled with all my life. I revere sleep over it and so often I choose selfishness, but when I start getting into the habit of making that time in the morning, it changes my whole day, the way I see things, the way I care about people (tuned into God's heart for them). Reading my Bible in the morning gives me truth to cling to no matter what comes my way.
Another way of being still is to play worship music with my guitar. I'm not really that good at other peoples' songs so it's a humbling slow experience but sometimes I'll just play the same three chords and sing praises to God and I feel such a sense of His presence and peace through that.
Another way - that actually involves silence is to take my camera and go for "a date with God." Basically I just take the time to capture details with my camera. I find through this I gain a sense of awe at God in the details, at who He is as a creator, at the intricate nature of His creation whether it's two leaves curled against each other to keep warm in the dead of winter, a string of dew drops on a tiny spider web, the sun dipping low on the horizon, or lying down in a patch of tall grass that bend and sway in the breeze. I feel God so strongly through nature and taking my camera allows me to get in close and truly see Him.

In His Embrace (YL Leader Retreat 2014) - Part 1

[Thankful]

God I am so grateful to you. What you put into motion this weekend was a beautiful thing. The act of describing all that unfolded is a great one, but I will do my best because I want to give the glory back to You in this way.

I just got back from a Young Life Leader Retreat (Jan 24-26th, 2014) at Camp Nakamun. 185 leaders from all over the Western Region came together to share in the joy of what God is doing through Young Life. It was a time of refreshment, beautiful beautiful worship music, drawing close to God, sharing our hearts and our struggles, learning, equipping, and experiencing joyful community. A team of nine volunteer leaders, including myself, journeyed from Slave Lake to see what God had in store for us this weekend. When I was praying before the trip, God gave me this image that this weekend was like a big wrapped gift and that He had so much to give to us - so much that we could take from this retreat.

[To go or not go?]

In my life, and probably in yours, whenever God is about to do something awesome - I get sideswiped with an obstacle. Sometimes it is a feeling of apathy that clouds my intrigue in what God has to say to me. Other times, something else requires my attention and I wrestle with the notion of passing up God's thing for that. I believe this to be a spiritual attack and the way that I seem to experience spiritual attacks before Young Life trips or events, is through a sickness. It comes out of nowhere, and the doubts start pouring in about whether or not I should participate. Luckily, in the past I have usually been main leader, and so I HAD to persevere and go regardless of whatever pain I was in. This trip was different - this was something I COULD have backed out of. It was a team of adults and they didn't "need" me to carry through on this retreat. But the beauty of this sickness was that God had actually prepared me mentally the week before to handle it.

[The context]

You see, for the past week or so, God had been stripping away my sense of dependency. My dependency on people for when I was feeling low, my dependency on TV shows and internet to distract me from feeling lonely, my dependency on my role in YL to make me feel valued and important. In a spell of a couple days - I experienced such a strong fear of loneliness - a fear that I had been blocking out and watering down by relying on distractions to fill my time. But when those distractions dried up - I was forced to face just how independent I had become in my relationship to God. It was a really hard realization but oh so good. And when I was hit with this bout of sickness - I was suddenly challenged to put into practice that realization and depend fully on God.

I KNEW that this retreat was a gift that God intended for me. I KNEW this sickness was not from God but an attack to make me doubt in God. But INSTEAD, I chose to cling to scripture. I couldn't take medication - my stomach was too sensitive. All I could do was pray. I felt like Job (on a much smaller scale) - and I decided to praise God in spite of how I felt. I still battled the idea of going to the retreat - not because of being sick - but because I didn't want to get anyone sick. God GAVE me the strength and determination to praise and trust Him in spite of how I felt. After wrestling back and forth with the decision, I decided whatever God had in store was just too good to pass up, and so I decided to go.

[Friday, Jan. 24th]

We arrived Friday evening at Camp Nakamun, walked into the lobby and there were a sea of smiling people. Something I love about Young Life is once you've connected with someone at a Young Life gathering - doesn't matter if it was a year or summer ago, the community is so strong, you feel instantly welcomed back in. It is an inclusive ministry - whether you are brand new to Young Life or have been around the block, as a teen, leader, staff, parent of a YL kid, or committee member.

After a few hilarious mixers (watching people try to stomp on each others' feet, imitate eggs, chickens, dinosaurs, and royalty) we were welcomed into the chapel to start the night's program.

[Worship]

The worship band was a mixture of leaders from different areas - with the lead singer - Chris - from Calgary. When they started to play the very first song, the feeling for me was incredible. You know when it's been a long hard day, and you are feeling parched and your throat is dry. You take a sip of clear crystal water and it feels like the best thing you've ever tasted. You suddenly realize just how thirsty you are and you just want to drink it in? That is how the worship at the YL retreat was for me.
Worship is something (that when done well) brings me right into the embrace of God. I can feel Jesus' presence so clearly through worship.

I have been thirsting for this kind of worship since I moved to Slave Lake. It was powerful, beautiful, amazing and I was drinking it all in. I could feel God's presence so strongly through the lyrics, and the music, and the Holy Spirit moving in that chapel. I began to cry as I sang - I was so thankful for God. I had walked into that chapel feeling fatigued, sick, drained, at a loss for joy and God just met me right where I was. I didn't have to muster up a false energy, I was able to just worship God with all of my heart and I felt that I was in His embrace so strongly. I could not keep my hands down - I just wanted to praise God with all of my being. A thought honestly went through my mind that if this was my last day to live - that I felt complete. Whole. Made new. Full. That is not a feeling you can just conjure up on your own. It was a God-given one and it was the beginning of the gift that He had in store this weekend.

[Speaker: Christine Woods]

Christine Woods got up to speak and let me just say how much I admire this woman. She is humble, funny, smart, kind, and incredibly passionate about her love for Jesus, her family, and Young Life.

This is what I took from what she shared...

-Her friend challenged her that she was living a lie. She did not understand and she felt angry with her friend because she felt she was so busy doing lots for God and her family and friends. She asked God if this was true?
God gave her 2 truths. He showed her that at one point in her life, she was running around in circles and too busy for 2 things:
1) being still before God
2) transformation through God renewing her mind

-Story of Martha and Mary- Luke 10:38-42
Jesus comes to visit and Martha is running around getting things ready and doing everything for Jesus whilst Mary is just sitting at his feet listening.

Christine pointed out - nowadays we don't sit at people's feet (it's kind of awkward). But if you were to sit at someone's feet, you would be really close to that person - you would be committed to hearing what they are saying. You would be engaged.

Martha walked up to Jesus and said "Lord, don't you care that I am doing everything by myself. Tell Mary to help me!" (vs. 40)

Jesus' response was "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed, only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." (vs. 41-42)

1) Jesus says only one thing is essential (vs. 42)
2) Jesus has Mary's full attention

Christine read a quote about what it means to pay attention. It means to be fully present in the moment - so much so that you experience things to a much deeper level.

[Small groups]

After the talk, each area got together to discuss questions. These were the first questions and the answers that our SL team came up with:

1) Why do we glorify being busy so much?
-sense of success
-don't want to appear lazy
-want to seem like we have important things to do
-a way to not have to engage with people/care about what is going on with them (i.e "How are you?" "Busy" = end of a conversation).

2) What distracts you? What's the biggest distraction in your life?
-people
-fb
-phone
-sleep
-always thinking
-feeling tired
-making up lists of things we need to get done

3) How would your life look different if God had your full attention?
- be more at peace - less stressed
- would be able to give more - probably wouldn't be as distracted
-probably would be healthier lifestyle wise - wouldn't be rushing from one thing to the next
-might be used by God in more ways - because of being open to His direction more

All in all - Day 1 was a really great start to the retreat. Thank you God for the first part of this gift.

Awoken From a Selfish Slumber

It's been a long time since I've written. Let pieces of my life unfold on this keyboard - bright moments, dark spaces, fleeting thoughts, whispered prayers.

My life has been so busy, the passion for writing went into hibernation. But just now I read something that moved me deeply. In my spirit. It spoke into my heart in a way that awoke my desire to write. To share this profound moment. And so I write...

Lately I've been lost. Burdened with petty things. A monotonous job. A repetitive day. An early sunset.  Seeing God move all around me but caught in my own selfishness. Addicted to the internet and an endless flow of Netflix stories. Trading quiet time with God for sleeping in til the last possible moment, dragging time out so that the act of going to work is prolonged. Filling up my free time with mindless games. And yet God has been moving all around me despite my slow-moving figure. Though I am blundering along caught up in myself, He continues to use me.

Young Life has started in Slave Lake. We have a leadership team of 11 volunteer leaders and a committee who are actively taking steps to build YL into the community. A supervisor who gives me sound advice, accountability and encouragement. Churches and people stepping up to support. Parents who repeat their thankfulness each time they drop their kids off. Our little community is growing and God is so active in this ministry.

ALL of this is because God wanted it here. I am merely a tool a vessel that He has been forming, shaping, moulding to aid in this. Thank goodness. If it was any other way - if a ministry like this rested on human achievements and limitations - where would we all be when our strength is zapped, when we fall into a stupor of selfishness? Thankfully God continues to move regardless of my state of selfishness or selflessness.

Last year a man prophesied over me a number of things that spoke deeply into my heart. One thing was that I would be instrumental in the lives of teenagers who struggle with cutting and suicide.

Today I experienced that declaration in a way that awoke me from my stupor. It took me on a journey of searching for information, for knowledge, for a sense of my place in all this.

Have you heard of the organization - "To Write Love on Her Arms"? This is the story:
http://twloha.com/vision/story

Once you read it, tell me if you feel like you're awaking from a similar slumber? Look around you. Ask yourself - what can I be doing for someone today? How can I encourage a stranger? A friend?

It's 12:23am and my husband thinks I'm crazy. I need to sleep so I'll let this go. But I had to get it out - this familiar feeling of needing to write it down. To share what was on my heart. It's been too long.

Thank you if you've taken the time to read...

Slave Lake Young Life - so much has happened!

So much has happened since my last post - incredible stuff. God is so faithful. In the last post in Oct 2012 I shared about feeling burnt out and the lack of physical support in Slave Lake. I took a break from writing for a few reasons. But now I want to share how incredibly thankful I am for all that God has done in the past 5 months.


1) Oct 2012 - Met a wonderful lady by the name of Theresa Rachar, took her to a Young Life Committee conference Oct 19-21st in Sylvan Lake, Alberta. She decided to come on board. Theresa has been a God-send. Literally. She so clearly 'gets' what Young Life is all about and her experience of other committee work, starting different projects, her presence in the schools and her connections within Slave Lake give her all the background she needs to be a Young Life Committee Chair. And then there's her heart. She is so willing to be honest with people about who she is, what her struggles have been, difficult things that God has brought her through and I am incredibly inspired by her faithfulness to always be spending time with God, in prayer and learning from Him. Again - God couldn't have picked a better person.

2) Kathy Dabbagh became my "supervisor". We began having weekly phone meetings. Kathy is a volunteer herself doing a number of other things for Young Life and so it was a privilege to be able to touch base with and gain wisdom from her on a regular basis - particularly because we had decided it would be best to start up Slave Lake Young Life with a junior high focus (an area I had no experience with and was quite intimidated by). Kathy has done years of junior high YL work and was able to really give insight onto why it made sense to start with that age bracket in Slave Lake.

3) Dec 2012 - We sent out our first official prayer/update newsletter for Slave Lake Young Life. It featured everything from stories from the committee conference (Theresa, Jeff, & Ruth Anna's take on it), a piece of Malerie's story on what Young Life has meant to her since she came to Rockridge Canyon August 2012, to upcoming events in January and February.

4) January 11-13, 2013 - A group of six adults (including moi) and one grade 12 student headed down to Camp Caroline, AB for a YL Leadership retreat to get a glimpse into what YL was all about and what leadership looked like. It was a fantastic time and in our Jan 2012 newsletter the group shared what stuck out to them about the weekend - great community, fun games, awesome people, lots of learning, worship time and sincere fellowship. It was a fantastic weekend! Out of that weekend, two of the people that came decided to come on board as volunteer YL leaders.

5) Feb 8-10, 2013 - Myself along with 2 other female leaders and two male leaders got the opportunity to join Edmonton Young Life for Winterblast Camp. We brought 11 junior high kids from Slave Lake. It was a fun-filled, high-energy weekend! The kids had a blast and the leaders had a great time as well! We came home fairly certain that we would have a great deal of these kids coming out to Rockridge this summer.

6) Feb 22, 2013 - Slave Lake Young Life partnered with Grande Prairie Area Director, Dylan Bressey, and a few Edmonton volunteers to host a big Info/Dessert Night in Slave Lake. Theresa and myself had spent the previous months presenting at different churches, explaining what Young Life was and inviting people out to our big info night. Over 70 people showed up. I couldn't believe it! It was an amazing mixture of community members, pastors, teens, parents, and teachers. It was so exciting to see all these people interested in Young Life. It was here that Dylan was announced as Slave Lake's supervisor, taking over Kathy's role. I was sad to lose Kathy but excited to have a set supervisor who would be available to provide training to future leaders and the like.

7) Feb 23, 2013 - On the day after our big dessert night, Michelle and Andy Hildebrand hosted a leadership training session at their place in Marten Beach. Out of that meeting, we now have 8 volunteer leaders (including myself and Jay). Incredible!  After the meeting we headed back into town to pick up kids for a YL broomball game and club. There were about 29 people (kids & adults) that came out to play/watch and then up to Joey & Melane Mouallem's house afterwards for club. It was so exciting to be able to give people a taste of Young Life club!

8) March 2013 - Young Life Slave Lake got the opportunity to go and volunteer at a much music dance in SL. It was a great opportunity to get involved and offer a team of adults to help with the event. We saw kids we knew and got to meet more of their friends. On March 16 we had a Young Life hangout event at a local school gym and 20 teens came out. We did a mixture of games and finished up the hangout with hot chocolate and cookies provided by our committee members. It was a lot of fun!
Am working on our March newsletter and looking for every opportunity to fundraise for camp as we hope to take 25 junior high kids and 8-10 senior high kids to Rockridge Canyon this July.

Committee: We now have a team of 4 committee members with 3 more thinking about coming on board.
Leaders: We have ten volunteer leaders ranging from grade 12 to 50 years of age. We have weekly leadership meetings to connect, do training, pray together for the kids we are reaching out to.

From my last post to this one - it's been an incredibly journey of seeing God draw people to Him through Young Life, experiencing lots of growth in my own walk with him and meeting some incredible leaders and teenagers. I really look forward to reaching more kids in Slave Lake, and giving them encouragement and the hope that comes from knowing Jesus and about a God who deeply loves and cares for you. 

A long overdue thank you.

       Well the last couple months have been a roller-coaster ride for a whole lot of reasons and it's about time that things changed. This whole journey of wanting to start Young Life in Slave Lake has been a real stretch for me and I'm so glad. I just thank God for plucking away the things that I lean on and depend on and I hope He continues as hard as it is because it is in the desperation of those places that I really actually seek Him.

        Amazing things have happened with Young Life - don't get me wrong. People have been interested, four kids came to Rockridge, and left with a renewed excitement for Jesus and what Young Life could look like in Slave Lake. But somewhere along the way I got caught up in all that I had to "do" and put so much pressure on myself to "give, give give" that I burned off all my energy until I had none. I came to a place where I realized I had put "doing stuff for Young Life" before spending real time with God, before spending real time with my husband and that realization came to me in a big way.

        I showed up in Ontario for a week feeling burned out and spent emotionally. I had no desire to think, talk or pray about Young Life. I felt frustrated at the lack of physical support. I had prayer support, and financial support but no one physically coming forward to say - "Let's do this together." But it wasn't really that. It was me. I was trying to make something out of nothing. I was convinced that people wouldn't get involved and so I was putting so much pressure on myself to provide the resources here in Slave Lake. But the thing is - there are a whole bundle of resources out there. People who are trained in Young Life, providing conferences, camps, events, the works and all I have to do is show up with people. There's resources online, videos, you name it. And yet I felt like I needed to provide my own - to get people onboard and excited and doing things.

        Now I see how naiive I was coming into this. Starting a ministry is a slow process. It requires hours and hours of prayer and relationship building and stepping out and stepping back and waiting and those are things that I have NEVER been good at. I want things to happen quickly, NOW,  for people just JUMP on board and for things to just come together. I don't want to sit and pray - I want answers. And yet these are integral things for a ministry to stay on track, to develop in total tune with God's desires and heart and intention. The moment I make it about me and my intentions and my timing - I am digging a huge burnt out hole.

     And I see that now. And God I thank you for letting me fall into that hole. What a dangerous place to be. Thank God that I actually didn't have a team of volunteers and people working alongside me. Those people would have fallen in with me and a lot of what makes Young Life such a beautiful testimony of Jesus would have been overshadowed by the stress of it all.

     I need to start from a place where I am moving when God moves, and going where God goes and speaking when He speaks. And I need a team of adults around me to be praying through this process and encouraging each other and reminding each other of these things. So God I just lay all of that chaos at your feet. Forgive me for running ahead with my own agenda. Forgive me for putting tasks ahead of time with You. Help me to pray for the right things. Bring like-minded people into this - not people that I am playing tug-o-war with - but people that really have a heart for a ministry like this.

      Give us opportunities for people to actually taste of Young Life's ministry. I don't expect anyone to commit to something they have not experienced for themselves. I wouldn't have. It is through my personal experience of meeting Jesus time and time again through the ministry of Young Life that has me so sold out for starting it here. Nothing more. Not the amazing camp or the crazy fun games - although those things lend a beautiful credibility to it as a ministry. More so the relationships I have developed through it - with God, with other leaders, and with the kids that I have such compassion for.

     God I just praise You for how You are orchestrating our lives right now. Jay was restless at church so we visited another one this past Sunday. A woman spoke up about her bible study group and how it's all about 'doing life together' and it just caught ahold of me because that is where my heart is. I asked her to meet and we went for a long walk today. I shared about Young Life and my heart and she shared her heart and the things she said and the desires she has for her family, her kids, her community just so resonate with where I'm at and with Young Life mentality. God You are gonna do amazing things in Jay and my life as we step out of what we are comfortable with (i.e a regular church, and whatever else you call us out of) and I'm so excited to be pulled and prodded and to see how Your design comes together so perfectly in the different moments that You bring about in Your perfect timing.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. It's LONG overdue!!!!

Plans of the heart - part 3

Grant - May 19th Sat teaching session

Luke 5  - Simon Peter and Jesus met
-not by chance, but so that Jesus could get in the boat of Peter

Peter really struggled to trust Jesus when Jesus asked him to fish. See Peter was a fisherman - he knew all about fishing, when the best time to fish was and Jesus was a carpenter, not a fisherman. But Peter humoured Jesus' request regardless.

Challenge:
Do I trust God with the things in Young Life I have no idea about?
Do I trust God with the things in Young Life that I know a lot about?

Grant gave an example of Apple. They are so good at creating all of their software to go together. Lots of companies boast that you can pick and choose different pieces to go together. And yet, Apple specifically created their products to work together.

Likewise, God has created everything to work together. So often, we want to pick and choose what we want to trust God with. "Well God, you can have this, but I need to be in control of this..."
How incredible when we just trust God with everything - the things we are sure of and the things we aren't sure of...