Jan. 25, 2014 - Journal entry
[Worship]
Worship at this retreat has been incredible. I realize that I am starving for worship like this. Drums, electric guitar, acoustic, beautiful voices - the songs are ones that speak deeply into my soul, and the music floods my senses, I just don't want it to end. (I asked for the powerpoint of the songs after the retreat and these are the ones we sang.)
Songs:
How he loves us
Your love never fails
10,000 Reasons
Cornerstone
Deep cries out
Set a Fire
Freedom Reigns
Happy Day
Forever Reign
When we get back home I have a vision to start up a worship night. I am going to learn some songs, open up my home to whoever wants to come and just make it a time for pure worship. I know I have enough on my plate as it is, but this is something my heart is crying out for - songs that tug me right into your presence. I know that you have people out there God who are craving this too. I don't pretend to be able to play incredibly well but for now I want to just start with something and see how You grow it.
[We will not fear though....]
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come, behold the works of the LORD, how He has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah.
[Christine Woods - Speaker]
Christine shared about her son, Liam, who doesn't know how to sit still. Always moving, always distracted, it is a constant battle to get him to remember to put his jacket on. If Christine wants Liam to register what she is saying to him, she will call him to come to her. She then bends down, and holding his face between her hands, looks him in the eyes, and says, "Liam. Look at me." His whole body will be wiggling, he won't focus. "Liam, look at me." He looks into her eyes. "Liam, where is your jacket? Liam what did I say?" He will stare blankly at her, "Uhh." "Liam, go get your jacket. Now what did I say." His eyes will suddenly light up, "Go get my jacket."
We are like this with God.
[Speak, I'm listening]
Idea - if you really want to get to know your Bible, read a children's bible. It tells you story after story, simply. Christine pulled out "The Beginner's Bible". (I think we had this one as kids).
I don't remember exactly how it read, but basically, Samuel was asleep and God called out, "Samuel!" He got up and went to Eli. "Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?"And Eli realized it was God calling. He said to Samuel, "Go, lie down, and if he calls you, say, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." So Samuel went and lay down. God said, "Samuel." Samuel said, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." And God spoke to Samuel.
1 Samuel 2:21 - Samuel grew up in the presence of God. (similar to a busy YL leader)
-and yet Samuel didn't know God - didn't recognize his voice : we can be so busy for God and not know Him
"Be still before God." - not an action - it's an attitude
-when we get busy/stressed, we get hit with lies
(i.e. for me - you're not cut out to lead YL, you're not a good wife, etc)
-the only way to get out of that cycle of running around and being hit with lies, is to Be still before God. There are different ways of being still - music, nature, writing, sitting, running, God has different ways of making his truth known to us.
[Small group Q's] -my answers
1) What is the hardest thing about being still for you?
-letting go of all the things I want to feel that I'm in control of - by thinking about those things and making plans, I feel like I'm on top of stuff
-impatience at waiting
-always wanting to speak not listen
-the fear that I won't hear from God or that He will make me wait a really long time
-selfish desires to do what I want when I want
2) Have you heard God speak before? What did He say?
In the first year of our marriage, I used to dwell on "what if's". My first boyfriend cheated on me and it had left me with this deep rooted fear of happening again. I became fixated on the idea that it could happen with Jay - even though Jay gave me NO reason to think that. My mind was always racing and I would start thinking of scenarios that could happen, bringing myself to tears in a matter of moments. In my mind I had Jay tried, found guilty, and convicted a 100 times or more. It was a cycle of lies that I got swept up in and it ruined my chance to be 'in the moment' and enjoy time with Jay because it was so destructive. My dreams started to be impacted by it - in my dreams Jay was apathetic with my trust, he would flirt with girls and when I questioned it he would shrug it off. I would wake up feeling hurt and betrayed even though Jay was sleeping soundly beside me totally unaware of my emotions. In real life, Jay was about as opposite as you can get of my fears. He strove to honour me in what he watched, how he lived, he had no interest in flirting with other women, he gave me all the attention and respect that he could muster. But these lies continued to strip me of seeing things clearly. They would batter my thoughts subconsciously even when I wasn't directing my thoughts at them.
One night I was in bed reading and God gave me this verse, "The Spirit of the Lord is not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." I had heard it before but this time it struck a chord with me. God told me (not in an audible voice, but in the thoughts He brought to mind) - these lies you're entertaining, this is not evidence of a sound mind but a spirit of fear. You are no longer bound by the spirit of fear because of Jesus.
It was like this heavy weight just lifted from my shoulders as I realized the powerful truth of those words. Sitting in bed, I just felt like a fog had been lifted from my mind. This battle in my head was not truth - I didn't have to believe these lies because Jesus had conquered all of that through His death and resurrection.
Looking back on that moment I can tell you that night, that subconscious cycle of lies was obliterated when God gave me that truth. After that my thoughts just didn't even go there, there was no subconscious pull towards the fear of cheating. The only time after that, that I encountered those lies, it was just one or two fleeting ones that would skip past the surface of my mind, after I saw a movie that encouraged cheating, or had a bad dream. That particular cycle of lies no longer had a hold on me.
3) How can you incorporate 'being still' into your life?
For me, being still looks like taking time in the morning before God. It is a discipline that I have struggled with all my life. I revere sleep over it and so often I choose selfishness, but when I start getting into the habit of making that time in the morning, it changes my whole day, the way I see things, the way I care about people (tuned into God's heart for them). Reading my Bible in the morning gives me truth to cling to no matter what comes my way.
Another way of being still is to play worship music with my guitar. I'm not really that good at other peoples' songs so it's a humbling slow experience but sometimes I'll just play the same three chords and sing praises to God and I feel such a sense of His presence and peace through that.
Another way - that actually involves silence is to take my camera and go for "a date with God." Basically I just take the time to capture details with my camera. I find through this I gain a sense of awe at God in the details, at who He is as a creator, at the intricate nature of His creation whether it's two leaves curled against each other to keep warm in the dead of winter, a string of dew drops on a tiny spider web, the sun dipping low on the horizon, or lying down in a patch of tall grass that bend and sway in the breeze. I feel God so strongly through nature and taking my camera allows me to get in close and truly see Him.
[Worship]
Worship at this retreat has been incredible. I realize that I am starving for worship like this. Drums, electric guitar, acoustic, beautiful voices - the songs are ones that speak deeply into my soul, and the music floods my senses, I just don't want it to end. (I asked for the powerpoint of the songs after the retreat and these are the ones we sang.)
Songs:
How he loves us
Your love never fails
10,000 Reasons
Cornerstone
Deep cries out
Set a Fire
Freedom Reigns
Happy Day
Forever Reign
When we get back home I have a vision to start up a worship night. I am going to learn some songs, open up my home to whoever wants to come and just make it a time for pure worship. I know I have enough on my plate as it is, but this is something my heart is crying out for - songs that tug me right into your presence. I know that you have people out there God who are craving this too. I don't pretend to be able to play incredibly well but for now I want to just start with something and see how You grow it.
[We will not fear though....]
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come, behold the works of the LORD, how He has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah.
[Christine Woods - Speaker]
Christine shared about her son, Liam, who doesn't know how to sit still. Always moving, always distracted, it is a constant battle to get him to remember to put his jacket on. If Christine wants Liam to register what she is saying to him, she will call him to come to her. She then bends down, and holding his face between her hands, looks him in the eyes, and says, "Liam. Look at me." His whole body will be wiggling, he won't focus. "Liam, look at me." He looks into her eyes. "Liam, where is your jacket? Liam what did I say?" He will stare blankly at her, "Uhh." "Liam, go get your jacket. Now what did I say." His eyes will suddenly light up, "Go get my jacket."
We are like this with God.
[Speak, I'm listening]
Idea - if you really want to get to know your Bible, read a children's bible. It tells you story after story, simply. Christine pulled out "The Beginner's Bible". (I think we had this one as kids).
I don't remember exactly how it read, but basically, Samuel was asleep and God called out, "Samuel!" He got up and went to Eli. "Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?" Eli said, "I didn't call you, go and lie down." And God called again, "Samuel." Samuel went to Eli, ""Here I am, you called me?"And Eli realized it was God calling. He said to Samuel, "Go, lie down, and if he calls you, say, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." So Samuel went and lay down. God said, "Samuel." Samuel said, "Speak, Lord, I am listening." And God spoke to Samuel.
1 Samuel 2:21 - Samuel grew up in the presence of God. (similar to a busy YL leader)
-and yet Samuel didn't know God - didn't recognize his voice : we can be so busy for God and not know Him
"Be still before God." - not an action - it's an attitude
-when we get busy/stressed, we get hit with lies
(i.e. for me - you're not cut out to lead YL, you're not a good wife, etc)
-the only way to get out of that cycle of running around and being hit with lies, is to Be still before God. There are different ways of being still - music, nature, writing, sitting, running, God has different ways of making his truth known to us.
[Small group Q's] -my answers
1) What is the hardest thing about being still for you?
-letting go of all the things I want to feel that I'm in control of - by thinking about those things and making plans, I feel like I'm on top of stuff
-impatience at waiting
-always wanting to speak not listen
-the fear that I won't hear from God or that He will make me wait a really long time
-selfish desires to do what I want when I want
2) Have you heard God speak before? What did He say?
In the first year of our marriage, I used to dwell on "what if's". My first boyfriend cheated on me and it had left me with this deep rooted fear of happening again. I became fixated on the idea that it could happen with Jay - even though Jay gave me NO reason to think that. My mind was always racing and I would start thinking of scenarios that could happen, bringing myself to tears in a matter of moments. In my mind I had Jay tried, found guilty, and convicted a 100 times or more. It was a cycle of lies that I got swept up in and it ruined my chance to be 'in the moment' and enjoy time with Jay because it was so destructive. My dreams started to be impacted by it - in my dreams Jay was apathetic with my trust, he would flirt with girls and when I questioned it he would shrug it off. I would wake up feeling hurt and betrayed even though Jay was sleeping soundly beside me totally unaware of my emotions. In real life, Jay was about as opposite as you can get of my fears. He strove to honour me in what he watched, how he lived, he had no interest in flirting with other women, he gave me all the attention and respect that he could muster. But these lies continued to strip me of seeing things clearly. They would batter my thoughts subconsciously even when I wasn't directing my thoughts at them.
One night I was in bed reading and God gave me this verse, "The Spirit of the Lord is not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." I had heard it before but this time it struck a chord with me. God told me (not in an audible voice, but in the thoughts He brought to mind) - these lies you're entertaining, this is not evidence of a sound mind but a spirit of fear. You are no longer bound by the spirit of fear because of Jesus.
It was like this heavy weight just lifted from my shoulders as I realized the powerful truth of those words. Sitting in bed, I just felt like a fog had been lifted from my mind. This battle in my head was not truth - I didn't have to believe these lies because Jesus had conquered all of that through His death and resurrection.
Looking back on that moment I can tell you that night, that subconscious cycle of lies was obliterated when God gave me that truth. After that my thoughts just didn't even go there, there was no subconscious pull towards the fear of cheating. The only time after that, that I encountered those lies, it was just one or two fleeting ones that would skip past the surface of my mind, after I saw a movie that encouraged cheating, or had a bad dream. That particular cycle of lies no longer had a hold on me.
3) How can you incorporate 'being still' into your life?
For me, being still looks like taking time in the morning before God. It is a discipline that I have struggled with all my life. I revere sleep over it and so often I choose selfishness, but when I start getting into the habit of making that time in the morning, it changes my whole day, the way I see things, the way I care about people (tuned into God's heart for them). Reading my Bible in the morning gives me truth to cling to no matter what comes my way.
Another way of being still is to play worship music with my guitar. I'm not really that good at other peoples' songs so it's a humbling slow experience but sometimes I'll just play the same three chords and sing praises to God and I feel such a sense of His presence and peace through that.
Another way - that actually involves silence is to take my camera and go for "a date with God." Basically I just take the time to capture details with my camera. I find through this I gain a sense of awe at God in the details, at who He is as a creator, at the intricate nature of His creation whether it's two leaves curled against each other to keep warm in the dead of winter, a string of dew drops on a tiny spider web, the sun dipping low on the horizon, or lying down in a patch of tall grass that bend and sway in the breeze. I feel God so strongly through nature and taking my camera allows me to get in close and truly see Him.
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